Sixteen Is the Magic Number
by PPP SSC
Summary: Ike/Soren, Boyd/Mist, Micaiah/Sothe, Titania/Rhys, Elincia/Geoffrey, Lyre/Ranulf, Bastian/Lucia, Kieran/Marcia, Astrid/Makalov, Calill/Largo, Leanne/Naesala, Oscar/Tanith, Heather/Ilyana, Aran/Laura, Tibarn/Reyson, and Jill/Haar are up.
1. Introduction

Sixteen Is the Magic Number

Author's Note: This story is laid out in such a way that if you don't like one couple, you can skip to the next.

This is a story of sixteen couples. They did plenty together. But before I get into their behavior, I suppose I should introduce them.

Aran was a sporty soldier, who always looked around for trouble. He and Laura got along quite well for a priestess and someone not bound by the clergy. Though they never married, the two had quite fun times.

Astrid was always trying to one-up the feats done by her brothers and sisters in the past by becoming a knight. But the biggest "screw you" she ever gave her parents was when she decided to marry Makalov, the country's biggest gambling fool.

Bastian on the other hand, was delighted to be able to take the beautiful Lucia's hand in marriage at long last. Though she was reluctant, it ended up being about as fun as you would expect.

Boyd was finally willing to admit that he had feelings for Mist that were not malignant at all. Though they did fight sometimes, they were always there to win in the end.

Calill has stayed married to her old flame Largo, and they would continue to be married all throughout the devastations.

Elincia surprised her childhood friend Geoffrey by managing to marry him, when he thought he had lost her to Ike. Surprisingly enough, Ike wasn't interested in being king, or with the queen, and Geoffrey had won the whole time.

Haar had probably gone against his employer's wishes when he decided to marry his daughter, Jill, but he was dead now, and there was nothing stopping him.

Heather decided that flirting with totally straight girls wasn't getting her anywhere, but as long as Ilyana was hungry, Heather was there to feed her, and of course take something in return.

Ike had proposed to elope with Soren. The latter was practically in shock upon receiving the news. He was so thrilled to finally get to spend the rest of his life with his best friend and one true love.

Kieran and Marcia, in what started as a blatant attempt to one-up Oscar, had now become one of the scattered unmarried couples.

Leanne was all close to her new husband, Naesala, and they worked hard to create a life for themselves.

Lyre and Ranulf were one of those rare couples you could see go into a bedroom, and not come out for seven nights and six days.

Micaiah, upon marrying her childhood friend, Sothe, decided that it would be for the best to work as a couple.

Oscar and Tanith worked together to create the perfect fighting style. Their teachings turned to friendship and friendship turned to romance, but they never married.

Reyson, like his younger sister, found solace with a strong bird king, but this one was more left-winged and definitely butcher in style—it was Tibarn.

Rhys never stopped working with Titania, a woman he had saved some years ago. They were to mutually protect each other.

These sixteen couples would work to create an environment that they could adapt well to.


	2. Ike and Soren

Ike and Soren

GIFT

"It's a shame," Ike muttered one day.

"What is?" Soren asked, looking at his friend's blue eyes.

"It's a shame that you don't remember your birthday…" Ike said.

"You… noticed," Soren murmured.

"Of course I noticed. It's odd going year after year living with ten other people and only hearing nine other birthdays," Ike smiled.

"If you really want to celebrate my life, although I can't imagine why you would, why don't we celebrate the day we first met? I mean, my life would've ended long ago had that not happened," Soren pondered.

"And what day was that?"

"Midsummer, 14, 635," Soren responded without hesitation. "Honestly, Ike, how could you forget something like that?"

"I don't have an amazing memory like you… wait, isn't that today?"

"Well it is 649…"

"No, I mean Midsummer 14."

"Yes," Soren said, upon realizing this.

"I'm afraid I don't have a gift for you," Ike said shamefully.

"Ike," Soren said, "You chose me. You could've had anyone, and you chose me. That is the greatest gift of all."

Ike pulled Soren into a kiss. It was a very nice gift indeed.

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TALK

Snuggled next to one another on a cool wintry morning, in the warmth of their double bed, Ike and Soren talked. It didn't matter what they talked about. They were content to hear each other's voices.

"Soren," Ike asked, "Are you happy?"

"I suppose I must be, considering that my one greatest wish came true," he said, beaming.

"And you used to say miracles didn't happen," Ike teased.

"I believe in a miracle. That miracle is teasing me about not believing in miracles," Soren said, kissing Ike on the cheek.

"I love you," Ike said, causing Soren to blush.

"I wonder what Shinon did when we left…" Soren pondered.

"He probably threw a wild party that nobody came to because they were all too sad about me leaving," Ike responded.

"Except Titania who just couldn't resist jumping for joy that I was gone…" Soren added.

"Let's see if I can imitate what our new company motto is now that SHE'S in charge… 'we will help those in need regardless of whether or not it's a wise idea. Screw wisdom, I have friendliness!'" Ike answered.

"I'm sorry," Soren said.

"Why?" Ike asked, puzzled.

"You sound like me now, Ike, and that's my fault…" Soren responded with tears running down his cheeks.

"It's not a bad thing," Ike assured, "Why do you think I fell for you in the first place?"

"You were drunk, having a mental breakdown, or mistaking me for someone else?" Soren asked, causing Ike to playfully bat at his hair and call him silly.

The two laughed with each other deep into the day, reminding us that friendship is the strongest basis for all the best couples.

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HARDSHIP

"Soren," Ike said worriedly, "Honey, you didn't eat your dinner."

"It's okay. I'm not hungry," Soren responded quickly, right before his stomach rumbled loudly. "Okay, maybe I am, but it's a bit late for dinner now."

"Eat," Ike demanded, "I'm not having you starve to death. Not after I worked so hard to deter that."

"Ike, I'm fine! I'm not going to starve to death!"

"You better not," Ike said, "I love you too much."

The next day, Ike made Soren eat at least half of his dinner before leaving the table.

"But Ike," Soren said, "I don't want it!"

"Is it my cooking skills? Because you know cooking is the wife's duty so…" Ike suggested.

"I'm worse of a cook than you, I'm sure," Soren complained, "Besides, I'm trying to watch my weight."

"Watch your… Soren, first of all, you're emaciated. Eating MORE would be 'watching your weight'. Secondly, you are already together with the man of your dreams, so it obviously isn't important for you to change your appearance. And lastly, even if you wanted to lose weight—which you _shouldn't—_there are other, less dangerous methods than not eating. Like exercising more," Ike responded, "I'm sure I couldn't persuade you in my rational honest speech, but, please, consider being safe… for me, and for yourself," Ike spoke. Soren cried at the thought that he was hurting Ike.

"Okay, Ike," Soren said, "I'll stop watching my weight, for you."

"Thank you," Ike said, planting a kiss on Soren's forehead, thankful it was still around on his living body.

-----------

ARGUMENT

The argument was petty. Soren's pen had disappeared. "Ike, did you take my pen?"

"No," Ike responded.

"Then where is it?" Soren asked.

Ike started laughing hysterically when he saw Soren's face.

"What?" Soren asked, "Is there something on my face?"

"Not quite," Ike said, still laughing.

"Are you laughing at my face, Ike? I'm sorry I can't be tanned, blue-eyed, and pure-bred like you!" Soren responded, indignant.

"No, Soren, you misunderstood completely," Ike responded.

"Oh, so I'm not good enough to understand you either!" Soren said, now getting angry.

"No, that's not what I meant…"

"Stop trying to explain yourself, Ike," Soren said, "I'm mad at you."

Before Soren stormed off crying as he would during their fights, which were few and far between, Ike pointed out, "The pen is behind your ear."

Soren reached his left hand behind his left ear and pulled down a pen. He looked at it for a moment, and said, "Oh, that's where the pen went. I'm sorry I yelled at you Ike."

"It's perfectly okay, Soren," Ike said, "We all make silly mistakes."

To avoid another argument, Soren quickly agreed.

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RELAXATION

It was time for the night to fall so Ike took Soren in his arms, and placed him in bed. Ike crawled in next to him and put his arms around his partner. Soren was having trouble relaxing, and he kept having this recurring nightmare where Ike died. Ike tried his best to quell the nightmares by holding his partner tightly through the night, and kissing his tears away if he cried in his sleep. But it wasn't nearly enough, Ike feared. So he moved himself closer to Soren and asked him something quietly. The small mage responded with a soft kiss on the cheek. Ike wrapped the blanket around Soren's shoulders and said those three words, "I love you."


	3. Boyd and Mist

Boyd and Mist

GIFT

"Mist, give me back my axe!" the annoyed axe-fighter shouted.

"Not until you apologize for attacking Rolf," she said.

"But I didn't attack Rolf!" Boyd whined.

"Fine then, you win, Boyd. I'll give you this axe back, if you find the fanciest, most beautiful, most expensive dress in Crimea, and give it to me."

"Are you kidding me?!" Boyd asked angrily.

"Nope," Mist said flatly.

"Fine," Boyd finally resigned. He walked into town and found Calill.

"Hi, Calill," Boyd said, "Mist wants me to buy the fanciest, most beautiful, most expensive dress in Crimea, but I don't know what to look for. You like dresses, so I thought you could help."

"I can," Calill said.

After ten minutes of awkward silence, Boyd asked, "Will you?"

"Okay," Calill said, "She's probably talking about Big Lena."

"Big Lena?" Boyd asked.

"Only the fanciest, most beautiful, most expensive dress in Crimea… it was made for a mage, if you can believe it, even vainer than I. But she never showed up for it. Every day it increases its price, and now amounts to 5,000,000… but no one has that much money."

"Can I charm the shopkeeper out of it?" Boyd asked.

"I… wouldn't recommend it," Calill said, but Boyd was already gone.

"Can I purchase Big Lena?" Boyd asked.

"No," the shopkeeper replied.

"What if I told you it was for my girlfriend?"

"No."

"Whose brother is the hero of Crimea and Tellius."

"Well, in that case, yes, of course. In fact, you can have it for free… if you can prove it. Who does the hero of Crimea and Tellius like?"

"His tactician," Boyd answered, "He rejected the queen out of fear of aristocracy and preference of the male persuasion."

"Good goddess, you've done it!" the shopkeeper said.

So Boyd got Big Lena and Mist was so happy she bought Boyd a NEW axe.

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TALK

"Mist, I've been thinking a lot about what you said the other day and there's still something I don't get. If you like me, why did you used to torture me all the time?" Boyd asked.

"I was a little girl back then, and I knew that's what you really wanted in the long run. I mean, come on, if you didn't like me torturing you, why did you provoke me?" Mist answered and then asked.

"I never provoked you, Mist…" Boyd responded sheepishly.

"Sure you did," Mist said, "Remember that time in the Serenes Forest?"

"Of course I do," Boyd answered, "You'll never let me forget it."

"But why, Boyd, why did you choose to be tortured?"

"Because… I liked spending time with you but you were too young for me to go out with back then."

This closure brought the two even closer together.

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HARDSHIP

Boyd's tortured screaming came from the kitchen. Mist came running. "What's wrong, Boyd?"

"Nothing," Boyd answered, while continually screaming.

"Boyd, did your finger get stuck in the kettle spout again?" she asked.

"Of course not!" he stammered, "Wh-why would you think that?"

"Because you're hiding one of your hands behind your back, and it's leading to where the kettle generally is."

He struggled to get his finger out of the kettle spout. His tortured screaming became louder and louder, until Mist pulled the kettle out in front of him, and then pulled out his finger without much trouble.

"How do you men manage to keep getting your fingers caught in stuff?" Mist asked.

Boyd looked sheepish and ran into the back bedroom to hide.

"Oh, Boyd," Mist said.

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ARGUMENT

"Frogs don't know what you're thinking," Mist said.

"Yes they do…" Boyd responded, "If you look one in the eye, he says 'beat it'."

"You mean Ribbit?" Mist asked.

"Well fine, if that's the way you feel about me…" Boyd said.

"Wait, what?" Mist asked.

"You said 'beat it!' Just like those pond frogs always do."

"It wasn't 'beat it', Boyd, it was 'ribbit.'"

"Beat it."

"Ribbit."

"Beat it."

"Ribbit."

"Beat it."

"Beat it."

"Ribbit."

"So you finally agree," Mist said triumphantly.

Boyd rolled his eyes at his girl's sense of humor.

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RELAXATION

It had been fairly quiet in the Greil Mercenaries' fort ever since Ike had left. Mist and he never argued anymore, and Titania and Soren never argued anymore. But Boyd was worried that all this was not to last. He made sure that Mist got everything she needed so she could avoid fainting as she had on the battlefield that fateful day. Boyd may not have been the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he was always prepared to help Mist out.


	4. Micaiah and Sothe

Micaiah and Sothe

GIFT

As the queen was softly sleeping, her consort walked to her face. He put a small wrapped present next to her and kissed her on the cheek. "Goodnight, Micaiah," he said.

She tumbled next to it and accidentally knocked it off the stand and out the window, into a field nearby.

"Sweet!" shouted the soldier who found it the next morning, as he tossed it around with his pal in the field.

"Oh no," Sothe said upon waking up, "It's gone!"

"What's gone?" muttered Micaiah, still half-asleep.

"The gift I left for you!" Sothe shouted, distressed.

"You left a gift for me?" Micaiah asked.

"Yes, but now it's gone. Come on, help me look for it!"

"It can't have gone far!" Micaiah said, "I know for a fact that no one broke and entered last night."

"It's not under the bed," Sothe called.

"It's not behind the desk," Micaiah responded.

"It's not on the windowsill," Sothe said, before having a double-take. "Wait, windowsill?"

"It must've fallen out the window!" Micaiah said. She looked down and saw the two soldiers using it as a ball in a game of catch.

"Excuse me," she said, "I think that belongs to us!"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Queen Micaiah," shouted the soldier, as he attempted to climb the castle wall to get to her window.

"Umm… Harvey," Micaiah said, "There's a door."

"Yes, of course!" Harvey the soldier said. He walked to the door and exchanged the gift with the girl on the opposite side.

-------

TALK

"I'm sorry," Micaiah said.

"Why?" Sothe asked.

"Because of the way I treated Ike throughout the war. I mean I assumed that you were exaggerating about how nice he was, but…" Micaiah trailed off, "But…"

"But what?"

"But I found he's just like me. I mean we both saw a boy grow up before our eyes. We both took him in in his time of need. We both refused to ever let go."

"Micaiah," Sothe said, "Do I remind you of Soren?"

"That boy Ike's always with?" Micaiah asked.

"Yes. Considering he was the tactician in one of the most crucial wars in history—two, actually, but one that you were involved in, I'm surprised you can't learn his name," Sothe responded.

"Hmm, well in some ways he's like you. But in other ways he's like me. He and I are both…"

"Don't say it," Sothe warned.

"But that's not what I was going to say!" Micaiah argued, "I was going to say we are both so devoted to one person that we will fight for them until the end."

"True," Sothe said, "He and you do both fight for true love."

"But when I tried to convince him of that, he got mad!" Micaiah said.

"Emphatic denial is the first step towards the truth," Sothe said. "I mean, suppose I stole a necklace. Would my victim be more inclined to believe me if I said, 'No, I didn't' or 'What? Now why would you think that? ME? Steal your necklace?'"

"Probably the former," Micaiah noted.

"I'd like to think of Ike as our role model for leadership, even though the man himself can't stand it." So they did use Ike as their role model, and everything worked out.

-----------

HARDSHIP

Micaiah had earned great renown for being able to use Sacrifice and be able to bring people who were injured back to health. But one time, she forgot to be careful, and ended up almost dying. Sothe was so worried about her. He had taken her to see Laura, who merely sighed at the carelessness of her friend.

"Micaiah," she said, "You have to take better care of your body."

"But my body's health does not matter," she said, "Only the bodies of other people matter."

"You are too selfless," Laura said, "And I'm a priestess."

"Well so am I," Micaiah bragged.

"No," Laura said, "You're not. You gave up that right when you married Sothe. You still have clerical powers, but…"

"So you mean because I married Sothe, I can't be a priestess anymore?" Micaiah asked.

"That's right," Laura said, "You noticed how Aran and I weren't married, didn't you? It's not because I don't like him… I do, very much. But it's against my job to marry him."

"Oh, I never knew how much of a choice this was," Micaiah said, "I suppose since you were stronger against temptation than I was, I should listen to you, and take good care of my body."

"Indeed you should, Micaiah."

--------------

ARGUMENT

The argument had happened suddenly and without warning. Sothe may have reached a rough hand out against Micaiah by accident; and she may have cried and retaliated by kicking him where it hurts. But fifteen minutes later, they didn't even remember what the argument was about anymore.

"Micaiah," Sothe asked, "Did I hurt you?"

"Yes, but I suppose I hurt you too," Micaiah said, "I hate it when we fight."

"As do I," Sothe said.

"Can we try not to fight ever again?" she begged.

"I'll try if you'll try," was the kind reply.

-----------

RELAXATION

It seemed odd now, how relaxed Micaiah and Sothe could be. Earlier, they would have had to run from corporals or hide in alleyways to stay safe. Regardless of Daein's state of economy, they were always just those poor kids who didn't have the means to support themselves honestly. And now, they were honestly the queen and consort of Daein, which was really something very new to the both of them.


	5. Rhys and Titania

Rhys and Titania

GIFT

He would do anything for her for free if need be, but she just was not satisfied with that. Titania felt as though she had to give Rhys something in return for being such a good, close, wonderful friend for all of these years. So what was it she decided to give him? Well it's a funny story but to summarize she had only the right gift in mind but he got the wrong gift in the end. It all started when she went over to Brom's farm to purchase some apples.

"Brom," she said, "I would like to purchase some apples."

"Very good, Miss Titania," he said, "These here apples are delicious and don't have any worms in them or nothing."

"No worms? That sounds like a challenge!" Boyd said upon her return. "I'll just have to take bites out of all of these apples to see if there really are no worms inside of them."

Boyd was about to eat the apples, when Rolf stopped him. "No!"

"What?" Boyd asked.

"They're all dirty! Let me clean them in the pond," Rolf responded, carrying the basket of apples. He accidentally dropped them in a pile of horse dung. "Oh, crap," Rolf said.

Boyd said, "This is no time for incredibly stupid puns! We need to salvage the apples. But how? They're so filthy and covered in horse crap!"

"I know! I'll ask Shinon!" Rolf said, so he skipped along and found his mentor. "SHINON!" he shouted.

"What is it?" Shinon asked.

"We accidentally dropped something in horse dung. What do we use to clean it?" Rolf asked.

Unaware the dropped thing was edible, Shinon provided the most potent antibacterial substance available at the time and handed it to Rolf. Rolf soaked the apples, which soon smelled not of feces but of poison.

"Uh-oh," Boyd said, "I think we did something wrong."

Titania went, without smelling the apples and started to bake them in a pie. She took the pie out of the oven and smelled it, wondering if her nose was fooling her. Boyd tripped her, screaming "NOOOOOO!" and the pie ended up in the priest's face.

"Well," Titania said, "At least you got your pie." She then threw a tantrum like a little girl and stormed off.

Rhys curiously wiped the pie off his face, and wondered what on earth was going on.

-------

TALK

"Remember that one time that you and I wandered off without leave from Commander Greil?" Rhys asked, "Wasn't that a funny time?"

"I suppose it was," Titania responded, "Those people in our group were so confused because we were missing. I remember Shinon saying, 'Is it National Redheads Disappear Into Thin Air Day? Because if it is you missed me.' Then Oscar and Boyd tried to look for us…"

"Yes," Rhys said, "If I recall correctly, Boyd thought I was hiding underneath one of the stones on the battlefield."

"And Oscar kept having to drag him everywhere looking for us, and when they finally found us we were hanging upside down in a tree."

"Yes, Titania," Rhys said, "Because you and I were trying to explore the upper reaches of the mountain, but I lost my footing and stumbled into the root of a tree while you were holding my hand."

"Exactly!" Titania said, as the two began to giggle alongside each other. This pair was in paradise.

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HARDSHIP

His head was warm, and his skin was pale. His hands were ice cold, he was coughing like a roaring lion, and his voice was even more inaudible than usual. "Why does it work like that?" Titania asked with a hand on his forehead, as he lay in bed.

"How?" Rhys managed to cough out.

"The kindest, most well-behaved people get punished and people like Shinon are allowed to roam free," Titania mentioned.

"Don't be too hard on him, Titania," Rhys mentioned, "He's troubled, yes, but he is ultimately good. And those who sin relentlessly _are_ punished, by the toils of war, by the hardship of sentences, and by the impact of their own guilt"

"But," Titania said, "Still, why would the goddess take her vengeance out on a priest?"

"She is not 'taking her vengeance out on me'. Her 'vengeance' was the implied Armageddon, but Ike quickly put a stop to that. The goddess does care for me, you know. That's why she created our first encounter. You will always be there to take care of me."

-------------

ARGUMENT

"I'm going to the battle," Rhys exclaimed.

"No, you're not," Titania responded, "You'll get hurt."

"But if someone else gets hurt, you'll need me."

"We have Mist," Titania said, "She isn't sick."

"But what if Mist gets hurt?"

"I think Soren can use staves," Titania responded.

"Uhh… Titania?" Rhys reminded, "He and Ike left for places unknown, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Titania said.

"I'm going to the battlefield."

"Okay," Titania said, "But only if you stick with me."

--------------

RELAXATION

There was something odd about this pair, and what it was was hard to pinpoint. Whenever people had read storybooks about chivalry, it was always the gentleman helping the lady, but in this case, it was the lady who helped the gentleman. The two of them had no qualms with their role reversal, and they had worked together to make it tie in to their relationship. Rhys was so delicate, so Titania had to nurture him, like a child. And Rhys had no problem with Titania taking charge. The two of them gladly wrapped their arms around each other, and Titania sighed knowing how good of a priest Rhys was.


	6. Elincia and Geoffrey

Elincia and Geoffrey

Author's Note: This one is up next due to an unofficial request from NewPaladin. By the way, this story is on a separate timeline from Steeds, so Shimmer is still alive and kicking.

GIFT

"Oh, crap!" shouted the characteristically agitated consort. He went and found his sister, who was busy cleaning her sword.

"What's the matter, brother dear?" she asked. "Did you lose your floral bonnet?"

He glared at her for a moment, before he decided to tell her what was going on. "It's Elincia and my 'courtship anniversary' tomorrow and I _totally _forgot!"

"It's okay," Lucia responded, "She'll understand."

"No, she won't…" Geoffrey said, "She would never understand if I forgot… she would think I didn't like her anymore."

"Geoffrey, Oscar wouldn't make that mistake and he's as blind as a bat," Lucia responded.

"His natural balance factor more than makes up for that, Lucia…" Geoffrey said, "And besides, Elincia won't get a present if I don't buy one for her right now, but coincidentally, all the stores are closed today due to _National Ike Day._ I swear that man didn't even want a holiday in the first place."

"Well then just give her something you made, like…" Lucia said, and tried desperately to think of a way to finish that sentence, "Well just give her something you made."

"Lucia, I'm not even remotely crafty, and I'm a terrible cook," Geoffrey sighed, "I guess Elincia will have to go without a gift."

"Geoffrey, I'll have to go without a gift for what?" Elincia asked.

"Our courtship anniversary. It's tomorrow." Geoffrey said.

"It is? Oops…" Elincia said flustered and embarrassed.

"Wait, did you forget too?" Geoffrey asked.

"Yes, of course I did. YOU forgot?" Elincia asked, "You're the one who always reminds me the week before!"

"Let's just pretend we got each other gifts and call it good," Geoffrey answered.

"Agreed," Elincia said.

Lucia loudly smacked her own forehead.

---------

TALK

"Why did you choose me over Ike?" Geoffrey asked curiously.

"Because you were alive," Elincia said. "You see, I did have feelings for Ike, mostly because he reminded me of you. Think about it."

"I can't see the resemblance; he seemed a lot more comfortable on the battlefield than I was," Geoffrey noted.

"Well, yes, but that's because he was a mercenary. He was a lot more _un_comfortable in aristocratic settings. You two both showed insecurities too."

"But still, he was hot," Geoffrey admitted, "You can't deny that."

"You're right, Geoffrey, I can't," Elincia said, "But you can't deny that he never had feelings for me."

"But why?" Geoffrey asked, "You're beautiful!"

"I'm a woman," Elincia said, "And a princess. Well, I was at the time."

"Oh," Geoffrey responded, "I suppose that would be a problem for Ike."

"Exactly," Elincia said, "So you have nothing to worry about."

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HARDSHIP

Geoffrey heard Elincia scream from inside the castle. Thoughts flooded his mind, of her being attacked by a killer, of her falling out a window, of her realizing that her prized jewels were stolen, or of her giving herself to some other man—this was the worst thought of all. He rode to the castle gate. He climbed the labyrinth of a staircase to the top floor. He searched every room and his heart sank when he realized he couldn't find Elincia. He heard her scream again, and he heard Lucia scream too. His wife _and _his sister were being attacked? This made it worse for him. He finally noticed the voices coming from the grand bedroom. He stormed in and made no attempts to stop himself.

"Geoffrey!" Lucia shouted, "NO BOYS ALLOWED!"

"Yeah," Elincia said, "This is a GIRLS ONLY SLUMBER PARTY!"

"Oh," Geoffrey said, "So that screaming was screaming with delight?"

"Yes," Elincia said, "I didn't make you worry, did I?"

"Of course you did!" Geoffrey said, "I thought you were in danger!"

Lucia laughed hysterically while Elincia glared at her and apologized to Geoffrey.

"Well, it's quite all right, Elincia," Geoffrey said as he left the room, "I'm sorry I interrupted you.

------

ARGUMENT

It had happened 30 times before and it will happen 300 times again. Geoffrey was brought up under the understanding that he was supposed to aid his lady in many ways, and not make her do anything for him in return. But Elincia was just not satisfied with not being able to do everything with Geoffrey.

"I want to fight, unescorted," she had said. He had responded with a reluctant acceptance. Just as he always did. He never won any of their arguments.

Geoffrey had kept track of how often Elincia and he argued and how often she won such arguments, and she won every time. But Geoffrey knew what he was going to do. He was going to hold the line.

"Elincia, I cannot allow you to do such a thing," Geoffrey said.

But it was not to be. "Geoffrey, to be blunt, I'm the queen, you're the consort." She then began to raise and then lower her hand, "Queen…consort… I'll do as I please." His inability to win arguments with Elincia had been cemented in stone. But that was alright, he figured, as they hardly ever argued over something so crucial that Geoffrey could not surrender with dignity.

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RELAXATION

Geoffrey was so glad to have Elincia beside him in bed. He was afraid for years that she would marry some other guy who was hotter and more amazing than he was. But those fears never came into fruition, because Elincia chose him. It was an amazing feeling, and he would never let it go.

Author's notes: If anyone wants me to write a story about the slumber party once it commenced, please say so in the reviews.


	7. Lyre and Ranulf

Author's Note: If there was one chapter I could NOT resist making PG-13, it would definitely be this one.

Lyre and Ranulf

GIFT

It was on the table behind the counter, and the clerk would not sell it to him. It was not because he was a laguz, nor was it because of the strange orange hat he wore, but it was because every time Ranulf purchased catnip, someone came in the next morning complaining about how sore they were, how ruined they were, how pregnant they were, or how homosexual they had just discovered themselves to be.

"Come on…" Ranulf said, "I swear it's a long term thing this time!"

"I'm sorry Ranulf but, you're a real ladies' man (and not just the ladies either), and I can't trust that you will know the person you're currently with and not just some random person."

"Fine," Ranulf said, "I'm never coming to _this _establishment again."

"What's wrong?" Lyre asked, upon seeing Ranulf come out.

"This store won't sell me catnip because I'm a slut," Ranulf came right out and said.

"Well that's just not fair!" Lyre shouted, "If that's the way it is, I'll go in and buy the catnip!" Lyre walked in the door.

"Hello," Lyre said. "My boyfriend and I wanted to buy some catnip, but apparently you didn't want to sell him one because he sleeps around."

"Oh, yes, Lyre," the clerk said, "This will make you very pleased." He handed her the catnip. "With you in control, I'm sure Ranulf won't give it to some random person."

Lyre purred and took the catnip from the clerk. She gave it to Ranulf and said, "There, catnip gotten. Let's go have some fun!" So they did.

--------

TALK

"Ranulf," Lyre said, "When was the last time we really talked?"

"Lyre," Ranulf began, "What do we need to talk about?"

"Ike and Soren, Titania and Rhys, Elincia and Geoffrey… They always talk! We can be more like them, Ranulf, I just know we can," Lyre mentioned.

"But talking is so much less fun than our relationship!" Ranulf whined. "Don't you like our amorous lifestyle?"

"I love it," Lyre said, "But I often feel as if there's something missing?"

"Like…salmon?" Ranulf asked.

"Meow!" Lyre moaned.

"Salmon are oily fish, you know, Lyre," Ranulf said, while taking out a hunk of salmon. "What do you say you rub it all over me and then lick it off?"

"So much for talking," Lyre pretended to complain. But she was as happy as ever.

----------

HARDSHIP

Skrimir had gotten into the mead again. Although Soren was safely out of range this time (thank heavens!), the lion still wanted to pounce on someone pretty and petite—Lyre was the victim. "Ranulf, help me!"

Ranulf chased after his daunting lion rival and pushed him into the dirt. "You monster!" he shouted. "Get off of her!"

"Ranulf!" Skrimir shouted, surprised. The azure cat regained his composure and pounced on Skrimir.

"I say," Kyza said, "You folks could attempt to keep it down!" He quickly drank the rest of his tea.

In an attempt to break up the cat and the lion, he ended up tangled in their midst. Lethe walked by, saying, "I don't even want to know."

Lyre blushed at these three men fighting for her. Lethe gave her a weird look and left.

--------

ARGUMENT

"Lethe stole my barrette!" Lyre shouted, "And you just let her do it!"

"She wasn't stealing it, Lyre," Ranulf mentioned, "She was just borrowing it because she lost hers. You could live to lend your sister a hair clip once in a while."

"You're too nice, Ranulf. Did you even ask my permission first?! No, of course not!"

"Was I supposed to?" was the naïve reply.

"Oh, Ranulf!" Lyre shouted and then she started to cry.

Ranulf went over to console his crying girlfriend. "It's okay, Lyre," Ranulf said, "At least you know the barrette is in good hands."

Lethe heard the crying and returned the barrette. "Fine," she hissed, "If you want it so much, just keep it."

"Oh, I don't need it," Lyre said.

Lethe emphatically growled while Ranulf shrugged at his fickle girlfriend.

----------

RELAXATION

Somehow, despite Lyre and Ranulf's impossible to quell libidos, the two of them managed to settle rather nicely. Lyre had a few children and of course Ranulf took care of them. But mostly their relationship revolved around fun. Though the days had long gone by since they were kitten-kids, they still both knew in their hearts that the kitten spirit is what everyone else needs.

Author's Note: Sorry. I got bored of writing this for a couple of days.


	8. Bastian and Lucia

Bastian and Lucia

GIFT

The Crimean air was crisp and soft, as delicate rain fell on the blond bard's pensive head. Lucia had purchased a sword recently which did not do her beauty justice in his mind. He wanted nothing more than to replace her sword with one more valuable.

"I say," he said, "Dear Sir Daniel, can you craft a sword fair for the loveliest lady. It shall be lighter than a feather, sharper than a barely-too-high note, more deadly than the deadliest of poison, and more straight-attacking than Shinon, the sniper of the highlands of Crimea."

"Sure," Daniel responded, "But it'll cost you."

"Money is no object when it comes to Lady Lucia. I shall pay satchels, nay, bushels of gold…"

"That's really not necessary. I was talking more the 8000-10000 range…" Daniel said, instantly regretting taking a job from Bastian.

"But only so that it may shimmer with radiance comparable to her bewitching blue eyes, and her glimmering cerulean hair…" Bastian babbled on.

Daniel put his head down on table next to the urn. "And only so that she may be complemented by her beautiful gleaming blade."

"Shut up, Bastian."

"Because, if she takes her sword of silver she may also allow herself to be taken by this wise fool," Bastian claimed.

"TMI, Bastian, TMI," Daniel said.

"The more you know the better you feel, so let's study with every meal!" Bastian rhymed.

"Stop it," Daniel complained.

Twelve hours later, Lucia received her sword and said, "Bastian, thank you, but I really didn't need this."

"Oh, don't worry, my elegant duchess, I would gladly stand around listening to the blacksmith jabber on pointlessly for hours for you."

---------

TALK

"For the general of Crimea's top force, Geoffrey sure seems agitated," Lucia mentioned.

"As the fraternal relation of your divine elegance, he of course was able to chip off some of your tender heart; and therefore is feeling rightly out of luck."

"But Geoffrey is nothing like me!" Lucia argued, "He wouldn't be caught dead in a gambling house, he wouldn't be caught dead flirting with some person on the street, and he is definitely less secure than I am…"

"Maybe these differences are but a ruse set on by your desire to be seen as superior; but, fear not, dear Lucia, for clever Bastian would always prefer the bosom of the sister to the might of the brother."

"Bastian, that's what I like about you… everything is about sex… except sex."

"Indeed, for the natural cycle of reproduction is about mutual trust, about the fluidly changing politics of this world, and about the world as a whole."

"Bastian, you never fail to entertain," Lucia said, rolling her eyes.

----------

HARDSHIP

"Damn it!" Bastian shouted in an uncharacteristically blunt manner.

"What is it?" Lucia asked, surveying her husband's appearance.

"I dropped my tome of the blustery day down the well of the water world drink," he griped, more characteristically this time.

"Relax, Bastian," Lucia said, "I can get you a new tome."

"That tome had special sentimental value to me because Volke gave it to me! No replacement could be quite the same. I'm very sorry, milady. This must be dreadfully boring to someone as strong as you."

"Nonsense," Lucia said, "I'll just go buy you a new one and it will have other sentimental value… I know you're the only friend Volke has, but you do prefer me, don't you?"

"Of course!" laughed Bastian, reading the implications.

Lucia went over to Muston who simply shrugged when she walked up to him. In a gruff voice, he said, "You see, I sold my last wind tome to some other mage earlier today. I thought with Soren gone I'd only have to sell these to Bastian, so I didn't bother stocking higher on it. But I think Daniel can make you one special!"

Daniel said, "Oh, no, after the sword fiasco, I don't want to do business for this couple anymore…"

Jorge responded, "But it's just Lucia. You and I both know she isn't as annoying as Bastian."

"But the last thing I want is Bastian coming in tomorrow complaining about its quality… here, Jorge… YOU build it."

"But I'm no smith and you…" Jorge began, but before he could finish Daniel was far away.

"Daniel," Lucia said, totally ignoring Jorge's hair color, "I need you to make a wind tome!"

"SURE!" he remarked gleefully, beginning work on the tome. But when he was finished it was naught but a regular old wind tome.

"That'll be 8,000 gold," fake-Daniel said.

"Thanks, but no thanks," Lucia said, leaving without the tome. "Well, I'm sorry, Bastian but I can't seem to find it anywhere."

"Fear not, my dear, as it turns out, it was in this side pouch of mine this whole time!" Bastian shouted cheerfully. Lucia groaned.

-----------

ARGUMENT

"It's undeniable."

"No, Bastian, you're just making it up," Lucia said calmly.

"It's undeniable there is a layer of green beneath your gorgeous white skin… I know you wanted the princess for yourself."

"I did not!" Lucia argued.

"It doesn't bother me at all that you did, I hope you realize. She was fair even to those who had their eyes set on others."

"Look, Bastian," Lucia sighed, "Elincia and I are friends… that's all…_friends…_ You are the one I wanted."

"But not without hesitance," Bastian pointed out.

"The hero of Crimea didn't want her; what makes you think _I _did?"

"I think it's as attractive as the magnetic field of the earth," Bastian pointed out.

"Oh, you are SUCH a man," Lucia said.

"Thank you, although that revelation is somewhat out of place right now."

Lucia sighed again.

-------

RELAXATION

Hello? Oh, it's Count Bastian. I have used my cunning tricks to usurp the narrative position for this last vignette. Lucia was not only the most beautiful living goddess ever to walk the earth, but was comparable to the sun itself over a cobalt sea next to a shimmering beige beach… and now she would find sanctuary near my own body, and as such I am pleased.


	9. Kieran and Marcia

Kieran and Marcia

GIFT

Kieran would not settle for a cheap trinket. He would fight for a true trophy.

"Don't worry, milady," He said, "I shall win you the greatest gift of all time!"

"Oh, I'm waiting for that, alright…"

"Step right up and fight BRUNO THE BRUTE!" shouted a man nearby. "The winner will receive this fantastic trophy!" The trophy gleamed in the sunlight.

"I will take your challenge!" Kieran shouted. Kieran fought on and Marcia winced in the corner. Kieran lost a lot of blood on the way down the road. Oscar walked by and Bruno cowered in fear. That was Kieran's motivation to continue.

"A-ha! You will not take my life, but I shall take yours!" Kieran shouted, charging once again headstrong into the brute.

Kieran would have resembled a pancake at this point, had this been a cheesy cartoon. But since this was a setting in which death was plausible and even somewhat likely, Kieran had fainted from repeated blows.

"KIERAN!" Marcia shrieked! She got into the fight herself and took out the brute in one fell swoop (granted of course that Kieran had attacked him until weak first.)

"Leave my gal alone!" shouted Kieran, getting up from the dirt. Once he realized the brute had been taken out he calmed down a little. He saw the man handing Marcia the trophy. Marcia then handed Kieran the trophy for being such a brave mate.

-------

TALK

"There's nothing I like more than badmouthing Oscar and Tanith!" Kieran said.

"I agree," Marcia said, "Seriously, why would someone as hot as Oscar go after someone as drab and dull as Tanith?"

"And why would someone as smart as Tanith fall for someone as stupid as Oscar?"

"And why would anyone want to eat Tanith's cooking?"

"And why would anyone want to look at Oscar's squinty face?"

Kieran and Marcia laughed along, knowing there was little left in this life which could amuse them more than their attacks from a safe distance.

-------

HARDSHIP

Kieran was riding through the forest alone, when he heard giggling coming from behind a tree. He saw Marcia talking and laughing with Gatrie and he got mad. He rode out in front saying, "Come, Nathaniel, you and I must best the next rival."

Gatrie said, "Huh?"

"Kieran, relax, Gatrie and I are just friends," Marcia mentioned.

"Oh? Then how come his hand is around your waist, huh?"

"Is it?" Gatrie said seductively.

"You get away from my woman, you evil cur! You are nowhere near good enough for her!"

"Hey! You sound just like Shinon to all the girlfriends I get! Except replace the word 'woman' with 'shield', replace the words 'evil cur' with 'stupid wench' and replace the word 'her' with 'him'."

"Get away, you blond barbarian! We of the Crimean knights will surely stop you from defiling this maiden!"

"Kieran, RELAX!" Marcia demanded, eyes rolling.

"Oscar was only half my enemy, and the other half is right here! Die, you stupid lancer!"

Kieran hopped off of Nathaniel and took his axe to Gatrie who continually blocked every attack with a shield.

"Goddess, Kieran, can't you just attack all my friends who happen to be male!"

"But they are rivals!" Kieran mentioned.

Rolf came from a meadow behind Kieran's mount. "Hey, Marcia! I just found a really big squirrel! You want to see it!"

"So, even Oscar's accursed kin wants to spend time with Marcia!" Kieran said.

"Kieran, he's twelve…" Marcia said, slapping her forehead.

"Still old enough to have a libido, in my opinion!" shouted Kieran as he chased after Rolf.

Marcia looked back at Gatrie and said, "So back to our discussion about Ilyana's eating habits."

-------------

ARGUMENT

"Oscar is quite clearly the worst paladin alive!" Kieran said, "He exists only to get under my skin."

"No, Kieran… Oscar's a fine paladin. Now _Makalov…"_

"Makalov is only an annoying paladin because he never pays you after you have a bet with him."

"And how much money does he owe you now?"

"7,000,000 gold, but that's beside the point. At least he would never try to make you feel foolish on the field of battle!"

"Feeling foolish on the field of battle in comparison to Oscar means that Oscar must be a fine paladin, and that you're just jealous of him."

"Jealous? ME? Never, I say, never! I am the greatest Crimean knight of all."

"Whatever you say, Kieran."

"Were you not my lady, I would take offense to that remark!"

"You're so funny, Kieran."

--------

RELAXATION

Kieran couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something he knew he had greater than Oscar. Perhaps it was the fact that his girlfriend had a personable reputation. Or maybe it was his vision. Whatever it could be, Kieran would make sure to let Oscar know who was the best. And Marcia was always amused by his attempts to.

Author's note: In case you didn't get it, Bruno cowering in fear after Oscar showed up was an inside-reference to Stories from the Fort: Boyd's Story. Also, am I the only one who would think Marcia would sound good voiced by Jenny Douillard (the original Amy Rose) or that Tom Lehrer would be a good singing voice for Kieran when applicable?

I love writing dialogue for Kieran and Bastian…


	10. Astrid and Makalov

Astrid and Makalov

Author's Note: Makalov is one of those characters that I like to write and read about but I wouldn't like him if I were seeking a mate. Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with Astrid.

GIFT

Makalov had never been that good at saving, but when it came to Astrid, he was never afraid to scrape and save. So he had resisted gambling for several weeks when suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a goose came up and stole his satchel of money.

"Come back, you feather-brained mongrel!" he shouted (he was related to Marcia after all), and ran after the goose. The goose jumped over a branch which hit Makalov in the face.

"That money!" Makalov complained, "That was for Astrid's birthday present."

"Makalov!" Astrid said, behind him, "What did you say about my birthday present?" She was so excited, she simply had to know.

"Uhh… nothing!" he lied as he chased after the goose, "Stupid money-swindling bird."

Astrid heard the insult and unfortunately assumed it was directed at her. She began to cry and rode back into the stable. "Come along, Wenceslaus."

When Makalov finally caught up with the goose it had flown up and put the satchel of money in the top of a tree. The goose went into the pond when Makalov slipped over a rock, fell face-down in the pond, and the goose got up and crapped on his head. "Oh, no," he said. He got up, filthy, and covered in bird poop and pond water complete with lily pads, and started to climb the tree.

"Get down, you gold-eating goose!" Makalov yelled. The goose eventually found himself by Wenceslaus, who neighed loudly.

Puffy-eyed, Astrid walked over to where the goose was. "What is this you have?" she asked curiously, putting a cautious hand into the bird's beak, calming it so it wouldn't snap. She pulled out the satchel of money and then realized what Makalov was trying to say.

Makalov, messy, finally caught up with the goose only to realize that Astrid had gotten the money back. "Makalov!" the brunette hummed, "I found this goose with a satchel of money. Is it yours?"

"Yes…" Makalov responded, "Thank you for finding it."

"Is that… what you wanted to say about my birthday present? Oh, Makalov…" Astrid was no longer sad.

-----

TALK

"Why does Marcia patronize you?" Astrid asked.

"WHY does Marcia patronize ME? WHY does MARCIA patronize me? Hahahahahaha! No offense, dear, but I've never heard a more absurd question! I'm a lout, that's why!"

"But maybe you're not… maybe the only reason you think you are, is because she's patronizing you…"

"No," Makalov mentioned. "It's because I can't pay my bills on time, I always get into debt, and I never ever remember to pay anyone back for it."

"It can't be helped that you're poor," was Astrid's sympathetic reply.

"Yes it can!" Makalov replied, "Or at least it could if I weren't a lout."

"You aren't a lout to me…" Astrid said sweetly, locking her fingers in with Makalov's. He was a lout, but that didn't matter to her. To her, he was just a misplaced gentleman.

---------

HARDSHIP

_Snake eyes _read the wooden dice on the table. "No," Makalov said, "Just one more go around…" he pleaded.

"Makalov," Astrid said, "I thought the goal was to obtain money, not to lose it!"

"It is, Astrid," was the tentative reply. "Of course I think that way. That's why I need another go around… just to break even… you and I both realize that more gambling is the only option right?"

"I'm just a bit concerned… what if one of those debt collectors comes back to attack you?" Astrid asked worriedly.

Suddenly someone rushed into the gambling casino, but it wasn't a debt collector. It was Astrid's abandoned fiancé. "Oh no! Rupert!" she shouted.

"Astrid! You abandoned me so! How could you?!" Rupert asked.

"I did it for love!" Astrid responded.

"You love… him?" Rupert said, pointing at Makalov.

"Yes, she does!" the deadbeat responded looking with his best scary face at Rupert.

Rupert said, "You and I will go out back, and I will kill you."

"Yeah right, old man!" Makalov responded, "I bet your back will break in the process."

Rupert then proceeded to show that even a fifty-something could fight, by tossing Makalov at the walls. Makalov went home that night black and blue, but he didn't care. Rupert had won the battle, but had lost the war.

---------

ARGUMENT

Makalov came to Astrid's stable with a lance wound in his side. "Oh, goodness, what has happened?" she asked.

"Marcia and I had an argument again… she told me that no one would ever love me. Then I decided to mention you, and Marcia said…" Makalov recounted. He then began talking in a high-pitched voice, " 'Astrid doesn't count because she has no taste in men.' Not to be vain, but I felt that I had to defend you. That's when things got really violent…"

"I have never had such an argument with any of my siblings…" Astrid muttered, "And I'm sure that's for the best."

--------------

RELAXATION

Makalov would often in sleep have dreams of winning a lottery. Astrid would sometimes be awakened by these dreams, but it didn't disturb her any. She was happy. She was happy to be married to a man whom she loved, and he was happy that someone loved him for the deadbeat that he was.


	11. Calill and Largo

Calill and Largo

GIFT

The most beautiful gift Largo ever gave Calill was a diamond, but that's another tale for another time. For now, Largo was noticing how her face moved along with the beat of the rain outside.

"Calill," Largo asked, "Would you like a musician?"

"A musician _does_ sound enticing," Calill said, smiling. "Okay, Largo, do you have one for me?"

"Uh… of course I do," Largo lied, "I already prepared one, and he'll be here tomorrow."

"Alright, I'll be waiting," Calill said as she left the room.

Largo obtained a shocked expression and said, "Oh, crap. Gotta find a musician… gotta find a musician… gotta find a musician."

He found no one besides Danved. "Danved! You gotta help me! Pretend to be a musician for Calill!"

"Calill has seen Danved. Calill knows what Danved looks like. Not many dark brown people in Crimea, are there?"

"Well then here's what you've gotta do… wear a false mustache!"

"A false mustache? Danved would look silly, but he'd still look like Danved. Not even Little Amy would be fooled by Danved's disguise."

"Please? I don't want to ask Mia or Muarim or Tauroneo!"

"Why not Mia? She lives in Crimea!"

"I suppose I could ask Mia, but… a woman's place is…" Largo began. He then remembered the lecture Mia gave him long ago. That painful, painful lecture. "Okay."

So he went to the Greil Mercenaries' fort, where he found Mia. "Mia," he said, "I need you to pretend to be a musician!"

"Why?" Mia asked.

"Because I promised Calill there would be one!" Largo said, "Please! I beg you!"

Mia sighed. "Oh, okay… but you owe me."

Mia donned a silver dress and picked up a flute. She played it badly. Largo pointed to Mia as Calill walked up and said, "Hey look, Calill! It's a musician." Calill winced as the younger woman played the flute.

"Largo, didn't you say the musician was a man?" Calill asked, confused.

"Ah, yeah, about that… he died, so he needed a substitute stat!"

"Largo," Calill asked suspiciously, "Did you lie to me?"

"Of course I did…n't…" Largo said. "I didn't!"

"It's okay if you did, Largo," Calill said with a sly smile, "Just don't do it again."

Mia proclaimed loudly, "BUST-ed!"

Largo chased after her but she nimbly escaped all of his attacks.

---------

TALK

"Do you think it's time?" Largo asked.

"Time to do what?" Calill asked.

"Time to tell Amy that she's adopted. I mean, someday she's going to find out about… that thing… and then she'll be really confused," Largo pointed out.

"She doesn't need to know. Besides, I can just tell her she's a Spirit Charmer through heredity," Calill said. "I don't want Amy to know that she's a…"

"Calill, you aren't a Spirit Charmer, and even if you were it's not hereditary. You know that she can learn that. And how are we going to explain those scholars' scriptures that say 'the bastards born of laguz and beorc shall bring forth disaster and shall be eternally damned?' That weird guy from the desert said Yune told him it was a lie, but still…"

"Largo, we don't have to tell her. Trust me, she's better off not knowing. Even Spirit Charmers have suffered under false pretenses, like Soren."

"But Calill," Largo said, "Mia said she overheard him saying he _wasn't _a Spirit Charmer to Pelleas."

Calill put the pieces together. "Exactly!" she said, "If Amy thinks she's a Spirit Charmer, she'll never make a slip-up like that!" Largo knew there was no convincing his wife.

---------

HARDSHIP

Largo came home with a sword wound on his side. "You girls have all the luck, you know…"

Calill asked, "What do you mean?"

"You girls can say that we guys are dumb or jerks without getting called sexist, but if we guys say you girls are weak or submissive that's a whole other story. Mia STILL hasn't forgiven me for those passing comments I made over three years ago."

"Well but you don't see, Largo. I don't think you're dumb because you're a guy; I think you're dumb because well, you insulted Mia… I think that pretty much speaks for itself."

"And I suppose if I called you dumb you'd say I was sexist."

"Well I'd say you were _wrong._"

"And if I said all girls were stupid what would you say?"

"I would say you were sexist. But you don't really think that, do you?"

"No, of course not!" Largo said, "In fact, I suggested Mia should try to become a mage… but she didn't like that idea."

"You are aware that four sevenths of our mage troops were male, right? (Three fifths at the time)," Calill asked.

"Yeah but the biggest pussies of all! Soren is a receptive sodomite, Bastian is a prissy bard, and Tormod is a crybaby. Then of course there was spineless Pelleas."

"Largo, you'll never learn, will you? Insulting people isn't the way to get far in life. If you don't think magic is sufficiently 'tough', then I will make you sleep outside tonight!" Calill kicked Largo out and slammed and locked the door. Largo regretted his actions.

"Yep, they have all the luck."

--------

ARGUMENT

"Calill, you left your bra on the dresser last night!" Largo complained.

"No I didn't!" Calill argued, "That was someone ELSE'S bra, and don't think I don't know. You talk about her nonstop."

"You mean Mia? Mia isn't…" Largo began, then he blushed, as he looked up at Calill, "As well-endowed as you."

"Exactly!" Calill shouted, "That bra is far too small for me."

"No," Largo said, "It fits you perfectly. And it has 'property of Calill' written on it."

"Oh, it does?" the blonde asked, stealing the bra and examining it, "Oh, I guess you're right. But I know I'll find her bra eventually."

Largo rolled his eyes.

-------------

RELAXATION

When Amy was fast asleep, Largo and Calill would smile at each other. Even though they were more prone to fighting than others, they were strong enough to make it through every time. Calill was happy she had someone to fight with, and make up with, regardless of the cost.

Author's Note: Only six chapters remain. There are two last official couples: Haar and Jill and Leanne and Naesala. I want to do one next and save the other for last. Review to state your preference.


	12. Leanne and Naesala

Author's Note: This chapter may contain some slight author filibuster, due to Naesala's view on politics syncing with my own.

Leanne and Naesala

GIFT

_Tibarn says I can't be generous. But I'll show him. The truth is, I can be generous to whomever I think deserves it. Like Leanne, _the raven king thought deeply. The small heron princess was resting on his chest, sleeping and cooing softly. Not wanting to wake her, he made sure his actions were gentle and quiet.

He took the finest gold from the Kilvas coffers and took it to a fine Kilvas tailor, who began to create the most beautiful white dress that Naesala had ever seen. He carried it home upon his back, making it not only possible but also likely that he would get laid that night. Leanne took the dress and kissed Naesala multiple times.

"I like your honesty…" she said awkwardly.

"Usedikus ow atana," Naesala cooed at her.

She fell asleep on his chest, and although he had not put that much effort into the gift, he rested easy knowing that he could make her happy.

_I guess I showed him, _Naesala thought, while stroking his woman's blonde hair.

-----------------

TALK

The following conversation has been translated from the ancient language for your convenience:

"Naesala," Leanne said, "What do you think of Tibarn?"

"I think he's an idiot. Why? What do you think of him?" Naesala responded.

"Reyson thinks he's great, but he's just a big bully," Leanne said, "You didn't deserve to be treated as badly as he treats you."

"Indeed I don't," Naesala whined, "I was going to save Reyson from Oliver as soon as I could, but it just didn't work. Because that self-righteous hawk got there first, and gave me a lecture on being immoral. He doesn't know from immorality; he steals his citizens' money.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I've been asleep all this time, but I've never formed a bond with Tibarn like Reyson has," Leanne said.

"Hawks are parasites that eat away at your mind by thinking about utopian consequences of ill-thought-out ideas, and as such should not be trusted," Naesala responded, "They paint ravens as evil, as selfish, self-indulgent people with no hearts. They think themselves our intellectual superiors as well. But we are clearly the smarter species."

"Indeed," Leanne said, "Is it possible to save Reyson?"

"Reyson has already become a hawk-in-training, and he's already passed the self-righteous stage right into utopian consequence territory. If only they all knew a dystopia was to come, perhaps their eyes would open to the coldness of the world."

"Or maybe… the coldness is what they've seen, and they are just too vain to realize they can't change it…" Leanne responded.

"How nice," Naesala said. "We're dealing with people vainer than I, is that what you are saying? That's pretty damn vain."

-------

HARDSHIP

"What a terrible world this is…" Naesala sighed. "The United Provinces of Aerilia has just begun, and guess who got elected… _Tibarn! _What a load!"

"Coo…" Leanne muttered, putting her arms around Naesala.

"I freaking hate that bird," Naesala shouted, clenching his fist.

"Did you… run?" Leanne asked.

Naesala responded, "Of COURSE I ran, Leanne. The final poll was Tibarn 65 and me 35. What a total load."

Leanne kissed Naesala gently to calm him down. Naesala then started to cry. "Why does this always happen to me? First I was part of that stupid blood pact thing and now this…"

"35 percent… liked you…" Leanne pointed out.

"And those 35 percent will now be alone, under a leader they hate. Screw democracy. Why can't we just listen to the beorc and be a monarchy…"

"That's worse," Leanne said, "At least… now… sometimes you'll be happy."

"I suppose you're right, Leanne."

-------

ARGUMENT

"Leanne, where were you?" Naesala asked.

"At the store," the heron responded.

"What were you doing there?" Naesala asked.

"Buying… cheese…" Leanne said, looking unhappy.

"Cheese? I thought herons were herbivores…" Naesala responded.

"Shh… don't tell… Reyson," Leanne responded.

"Why would I tell Reyson you bought cheese? I'm just a little confused. If you were at the store, why were you gone all night?"

"The store… was in… Crimea."

"Then how did you get back so QUICKLY?"

"I'm… magic…" Leanne responded. "Why… are you angry?"

"I'm not angry!" Naesala argued in the most unconvincing voice possible. "I'm just confused!"

"Don't be…" Leanne said. "It makes… me… sad."

"Please, Leanne, don't be sad. I just don't know why you bought cheese."

"For dinner…" Leanne said, "You like… dead animals… I like… berries. So… both… go with cheese."

"Very thoughtful of you, Leanne!" Naesala said, suddenly happy. "Let's have some of this delicious cheese."

So they did, and Naesala tried very hard never to put Leanne in that situation again.

-------------

RELAXATION

If there was a word to describe this couple, it would be "blissful." No matter what happens between them, they always make it up in the end. And despite altercations that Naesala goes through on his own time on a daily basis, it doesn't matter to Leanne. As long as the altercations are not with her, she will fully endorse and support her partner. Although often bonding between them basically amounted to badmouthing Tibarn, they were glad for their new country's freedom of speech.


	13. Oscar and Tanith

Oscar and Tanith

GIFT

Oscar never meant to be an overachiever. He just kind of turned out that way. The first thing he had in mind was the happiness of others. So when he planned an elaborate dinner for his date, he was just doing what came naturally to him. And when he found a bouquet of flowers for his date, he was just doing what came naturally to him. And when he broke open a rock and found an onyx and opal inside to make two necklaces—one for his date, and one for her friend—he was just doing what came naturally to him.

What came naturally to Tanith was to think something was up. Something _was_ up. She had fallen in love with a perfectionist. Being in love with a perfectionist was something she had to get used to over the years. Whenever she made dinner for him, the kitchen caught on fire. When she purchased a bouquet of flowers for him, he was always immediately gracious, but he was also always quick to sneeze. And so what if the most precious thing she ever found inside a rock was a smaller rock? She was also just doing what came naturally to her.

Oscar assured her that everything was going to be fine. "It doesn't matter, Tanith. You have things that I will never have." Tanith felt like this was a lie, but that didn't matter to her. Even if it were a lie, it was a lie to preserve her feelings.

-----

TALK

"Did you see Kieran the other day, milady?"

"Oh yes, he always makes a fool of himself," Tanith said, "I'm not sure how he could compare himself to you, when you are quite clearly superior to him!"

"I don't like to think of myself that way, but honestly, I don't know how to avoid it when he always makes it just so easy."

"Babbling about nothing, fighting against people who are in no mood to fight, getting mad at you for complimenting him…"

"Even when I _insult_ him he makes a fool of himself. Although to be fair, he _does _notice that what I said was amiss, he just is easily misled in the other direction."

"What a silly man…" Tanith said, "He's just jealous."

"Well yeah, that goes without saying. I just wish he wouldn't push himself so hard."

"I agree, Oscar," Tanith said, "Although he and Marcia are quite clearly a perfect match."

-------------

HARDSHIP

"The soufflé!" Oscar shouted.

"What soufflé?" Tanith asked, "You mean that casserole?"

"It didn't rise!"

"Well, here's the problem. I was in the kitchen. I ruin any and all food I'm near."

"No, Tanith," Oscar said, putting his arms around the dejected brunette. "It wasn't your fault…"

"Of course it was!" Tanith mentioned, crying, "That's why they call me the Lethal Chef. I ruin every dish I make, and everyone gets sick from eating it."

"Tanith, you're overreacting. _I _made the soufflé, remember? Even if what you were saying was true, it wouldn't apply here."

"But you're so damn perfect, how could you possibly make a mistake like that?"

Oscar said with a hint of obviousness in his voice, "Because soufflés are easy to ruin?"

"Soufflés are only easy to ruin for people who aren't perfect!" Tanith shouted.

Oscar said (and this was true, as he truly believed this), "I am NOT perfect. No matter what Boyd thinks, or what Kieran is trying to compensate for, I make mistakes just as often as everyone else."

"Name three mistakes you've made in the last month," Tanith challenged.

"Well there's the soufflé, and then there's… uh… failing at cheering you up, and… OH! Two weeks ago Boyd asked for pot roast with homegrown potatoes and I forgot to cut his meat."

"Oh, now you're just rubbing it in," Tanith said.

"I am not," Oscar argued, "You're just taking it that way. Why can't you just admit you have talents?"

"I suppose it's because I'm insecure that I always make a big scene to my subordinates. But to be fair, I've never seen you lash out at anyone…"

"Exactly," Oscar mentioned, "Discipline has never been my strong suit."

------------

ARGUMENT

"I saw you let Boyd off the hook for attempting to strangle Rolf," Tanith pointed out, "I really expected better from you."

"Boyd wasn't really attempting to strangle Rolf," Oscar said, "I made that distinction long ago. That was his cry for attention."

"But aren't you worried what Rolf will take from you not protecting him in that case?"

"I do protect him," Oscar answered, "I just don't punish Boyd. Boyd is a grown man now, and he _should _be able to take care of himself."

"But you don't make that clear to him," Tanith yelled, "And now he has a wife to take care of too."

"More like she's going to take care of him. Even though she's five years his junior, she's still much more mature than he is."

"Well that's your fault," Tanith argued, "You have to tell him to grow up."

"I try that," Oscar responded, "But it generally doesn't work, and that's the major problem."

"Well then you have to obtain a spine," Tanith shouted.

"But I have one. The issue is that Boyd doesn't listen to me even when I yell."

"Have you _tried _yelling?" Tanith asked.

"Well yes, but it didn't work."

"Did you sound _angry?"_

"I never sound angry."

"Well there's your problem," Tanith said, "Now listen closely. _NO ONE ON THE TROOP GETS TO GO HOME UNTIL I GET A FULL SET OF PUSH-UPS!"_

"Goodness gracious, Tanith, that's frightening!"

"That's the point, you big pansy…" Tanith said, "Now yell."

"_WHO WAS IT WHO STOLE THE LAST MACAROON?"_

"You're getting the hang of it…" Tanith said, smiling.

Boyd walked up to Oscar and tattled, "It was Rolf! I swear it! Don't kill me!"

"Boyd, there is no last macaroon. The last time I baked macaroons was three months ago."

"Oh," Boyd said, "You were _kidding. _Ha-ha. I knew that. Uh… so was I…"

Tanith smirked and Oscar sighed.

--------

RELAXATION

Tanith and Oscar were the type not to commit before they knew for sure it was for life. But even after it became clear to everyone that they wouldn't leave each other, they still didn't marry. Perhaps it was improper for them to behave the way they did, but neither of them had a problem with it, no matter what happened.


	14. Heather and Ilyana

Heather and Ilyana

GIFT

"I'll give you an all-you-can-eat buffet if you give me a kissing session," Heather teased, holding a shrimp fork seductively.

"You always get me to do exactly what you want," Ilyana said, "I like that. It's nice to have some competition for my sneakiness."

"Kissing first, because I don't want you to forget," Heather spoke suspiciously.

"No," Ilyana said, "If I kiss you first, you will not give me the buffet, and then I'll have wasted my time."

"No, Ilyana," Heather said, "If I give you the buffet first, you'll sneak off without kissing me."

"I have a compromise!" Ilyana shouted, gesturing to the buffet.

"What?" Heather asked.

"Come on!" the mage exclaimed, dragging the thief behind her.

"Where are we going?"

"Here's what we do. You take a bite of the buffet, and I will steal it from your mouth!"

"Well," Heather said, "I found a hole in your plan. What if I swallow it and don't let you eat it?"

"Well then, I suppose I'll have to stop kissing you."

Heather resigned, knowing full well that Ilyana meant every word she said. She had to use her full willpower not to swallow it. But it was well worth it.

------------

TALK

"Boys are easy," Ilyana said, "You girls are more difficult."

"Boys are indeed easy. _Too _easy if you ask me," Heather said slyly. "Sometimes I wish girls were as easy as guys because I don't want a guy."

"When did you discover it?" Ilyana asked, "About not liking guys?"

"It was when the rest of the girls around me all went after boyfriends, but all I did was get catty and jealous of my best friend's boyfriend. Then she told me that there might be something wrong with me, and… there was. I went to a harem, and I was interested in _paying _for it."

"Well that's a pretty big slap in the face," said Ilyana. "Were there any hints before then?"

"Well, I mean, there was that one time that I tried to kiss a guy but I wasn't attracted to him. I thought it was just because he was ugly, even though all of my female friends thought he was hot. I didn't have to agree with anything they said, right?"

"Heather, I think that your life is too messed up for words, and I am a cuisinophile," Ilyana said.

"That's not a word!" Heather teased.

"It should be…" Ilyana muttered, as she began to take a bite out of a truffle.

"Yes, Ilyana," Heather said, "Any word I can use to describe you should be a word."

---------

HARDSHIP

Gatrie walked up to Heather and asked her out.

"I'm sorry," Heather said, "I'm pretty sure I've _already _rejected you."

"Well you know," Gatrie said sadly, "I might have been asking Ilyana! You ever think of that… because I brought a ton of bacon!"

"D-d-d-did you say bacon?" Ilyana said. She took the bacon and ate it all.

Zihark then showed up and asked Ilyana if she was hungry.

With bacon still on her cheek, she asked, "What do you think?"

Zihark handed her some shrimp. "I caught these in the river, and thought you might like them."

Ilyana quickly devoured the shrimp, tails and all. Soon afterwards, in walked Mordecai.

"Ilyana!" He shouted, waving his arms, and a recently killed rabbit. "Have some food!"

"Yuck…" she said, "I don't want that…"

"Oh! This isn't the food… this is for the burial. This is the food." He held out some fruits.

Ilyana gladly gorged herself on them as well. Heather sighed, knowing full well she didn't have any food with her at the moment.

"Thank you, Zihark, Garrett, and Mikhael."

"Well at least you remembered MY name," Zihark said.

"Of course. How could I forget?"

"Apparently you've forgotten three years ago…"

"That I have," Ilyana said, "Is that bad?"

Heather was crying. Ilyana looked to her. "Heather, what's wrong?" Ilyana asked.

"Those boys sure do like you…" Heather said.

"Indeed they do," Ilyana said, "But I hope you weren't misled into thinking I was with them. I couldn't remember the blond guy or the tiger's names."

"But what about Zihark?"

"Zihark. You think I'd cheat on you with _Zihark! _AHAHAHAHAHAHA! That guy swore himself to celibacy after his first girlfriend. He's a real ROLE MODEL, isn't he?"

"Well, you know, sometimes people break their vows…"

"It wasn't a 'vow'; it was just one of his crazy compulsions, like cleaning his weapons or remembering everyone's name."

"Maybe that last one isn't as strange as you think it is," Heather muttered.

--------

ARGUMENT

"I don't think I can date you anymore, Ilyana," Heather said one day.

"WHY NOT?" asked Ilyana with tears in her eyes.

"Because you're too… fickle," Heather said, "I don't want to be with a girl who might one day decide that I'm not good enough for her."

"Uh… YOU'RE dumping ME and I'M the fickle one?" Ilyana asked.

"I apologize, Ilyana," Heather said, "I'm just not thinking straight today."

"You're dumping me for another girl, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?"

"No," Heather said, "I was just afraid you would do that to me…"

"If someone accuses you of wanting to cheat on her without evidence, she's probably trying to cheat on you," Ilyana said, "No, seriously, who is she?"

"No one!" Heather shouted, "I'm just insecure!"

"Don't be… as long as you keep making food for me, as long as Mia keeps being crazy, as long as Lucia keeps being taken, as long as Mordecai keeps being ugly, as long as Zihark keeps being a prude, and as long as Gatrie keeps being a pervert, you have nothing to worry about."

"Okay, then I won't worry anymore."

"I'm glad we can stay together."

"Me too."

-------

RELAXATION

Heather and Ilyana were two of the best lovers in all of Tellius. Although their pair was slightly unorthodox, the two worked together to find both of their passions and combine them to form the greatest relationship of all. Heather had her lust and Ilyana had her gluttony… but when sins truly make your partner happy, they don't seem so deadly.


	15. Reyson and Tibarn

Reyson and Tibarn

GIFT

Nothing inspired gift-giving quite like an unfriendly rivalry with someone who was practically your brother-in-law. But sometimes you are not quite so lucky. You see, sometimes, your partner will get suspicious, as was the case with Reyson.

"Tibarn," Reyson said, holding an eyebrow up, "Why did you create this elaborate mistletoe wreath for me?"

"Because you're worth it," Tibarn said, planting a kiss on Reyson's pallid cheek.

"It's because of Naesala, isn't it?"

Tibarn feigned being taken aback. "Why, I don't know what you mean, because of Naesala! Pssh…"

"Your tag reads, 'To HAHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT From UGLY BIRD NAESALA'" Reyson pointed out.

"Oh, that's a misprint," Tibarn said, as he took the tag back and proceeded to cover the tag with black ink so it was completely unreadable.

"The wreath's decorations are in pictures of you strangling Naesala, of you stomping on Naesala's dead body, and the words I HATE NAESALA," Reyson responded.

"Yes, well, that's just because you secretly hate Naesala," Tibarn answered.

"No, I have a feeling it's you who hates Naesala, Tibarn," Reyson answered.

"Fine then," Tibarn said, "Don't accept my wonderful spiteful… I mean special resent… I mean present."

Reyson emphatically rolled his eyes. "Okay, Tibarn, I'll humor you… you did this for me. Thank you so much," Reyson said.

"Hey, that better not have been sarcasm," said the annoyed hawk king.

----------

TALK

"Hey, Reyson?" Tibarn asked, "Do you have a moment?"

"Of course, Tibarn," the heron prince answered.

"Remember when Naesala sold you to that ugly bishop?" Tibarn asked.

"Oliver, yeah, I find it fairly hard to believe that he decided to join with us," Reyson noted.

"Well why?" asked Tibarn, "He totally had the hots for you!" Reyson shuddered.

"Oh, don't bring that up again, please Tibarn…"

"It's okay, Reyson," Tibarn said, "I know that once upon a time Naesala had the hots for me."

"You're just making that part up," Reyson teased.

"Okay, so maybe I am. Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

"Actually there is…" Reyson tried to say, but Tibarn shut him up midsentence.

"There's nothing more fun than making fun of Naesala!" he said.

"Actually…" Reyson began again, but there was no reply. Tibarn had left because he was annoyed at Reyson for being a stick-in-the-mud.

--------

HARDSHIP

It had happened again. Naesala had called Tibarn a shithead. Tibarn of course could never stop ranting to Reyson about it. Reyson had taken to putting on a pair of earmuffs every time this happened in order to appease his annoyance, but he noticed Ulki's facial expression this last time and decided the acutely auditioned hawk needed it more than he did. He decided to give Ulki his muffs.

"Here," Reyson said.

Ulki handed them back immediately, "Oh, your highness I could never take these from you."

"I'll just pretend that Tibarn is moaning my name ecstatically." Ulki's eyes widened uncharacteristically.

"TMI!" he shouted.

"What? Everybody does it…"

"Everybody except…" Ulki said, starting to count on his fingers, "Aran, Danved, Edward, Fiona, Gareth, Giffca, Kyza, Laura, Leonardo, Mia" and at this point he started over, "Mordecai, Muarim, Nolan, Pelleas, Rhys, Rafiel, Rolf, Sanaki, Tormod, yours truly, Volke, and Zihark. And that's just in our army." Before he said Zihark he closed both of his fists.

"Well," Reyson said, "Most people do it… just take the muffs already."

"Nah," Ulki said, "The thought of you fantasizing about the king is just too disgusting for me. I'd rather endure this."

"I understand" Reyson said, but he muttered under his breath, "Jealous."

"I am not…" Ulki responded, "Remember I can hear everything you say."

So both Reyson and Ulki ended up listening to Tibarn's long rant. When Tibarn finally stopped, he asked Reyson to come with him. Reyson complied and Ulki shuddered. Janaff on the other hand went "Oooooooh!" and made kissing sounds.

Ulki told Janaff politely to shut up.

------------

ARGUMENT

"Ha ha!" Tibarn said, "Earlier today, Naesala told me to shove it and I did! I shoved some pigeon crap in his face."

"That's not funny," Reyson said rolling his eyes.

"Of course it is!" Tibarn joked, "Naesala suffered. Of course you being you have already forgiven him for _selling you."_

"Naesala might be a douche bag, but that's no excuse for you being a douche bag back."

"But if I don't, Naesala will continue to keep me under his thumb like the power-hungry Ashnard-follower he is."

"If I recall correctly," Reyson said, "Naesala offered to help defeat Ashnard."

"But he was after an angle!"

"True, but Tibarn, the last thing I want is for you to be a hypocrite. I do love you after all."

"Then you should love me regardless of whether or not I'm a jerk to Naesala!" Tibarn said, "So there."

Reyson just let Tibarn have the argument, because he knew if he didn't give up they would be screaming at each other all day.

--------------

RELAXATION

Though it was often hard for outside observers to grasp (Ulki and Janaff had both on occasions gossiped about just the opposite), Reyson and Tibarn held an unbreakable bond, comparable to Leanne and Naesala's. And even though neither Tibarn nor Naesala ever ceased getting at each other's throats, Reyson learned to cope. He found that while politicians made odd bedfellows, that he liked it anyway.

Author's Note: Although some of the people absent from the celibate list have canonical or semi-canonical partners, others just seem less restrained. So don't try to think too hard about who did who.

Also, I suck at writing left-wing stuff.


	16. Aran and Laura

Aran and Laura

GIFT

It was Laura's birthday, and Aran couldn't figure out what to get her. He had never really understood what women wanted. What he wanted more than anything was to make her feel better about herself. So he decided to go to the church's nearby gift shop, where he ran into Laura.

"Laura!" he exclaimed, startled, and ran out the door before she caught him.

"That's strange…" she muttered, "He's usually happy to see me." She went over and sulked in the corner.

"That was a close one," Aran muttered, as he walked into the next gift shop, which was unaffiliated with the church. He was surprised by the presence of Micaiah. "Okay, Micaiah, you have to not tell Laura about this."

"Why are you hiding from her?" Micaiah asked, "What did Laura ever do to you?"

"Laura didn't do anything to me," Aran muttered, "I was trying to surprise her."

"Surprise her with what?" Micaiah asked.

"Something on the lines of a memory… this picture frame is perfect," he said, pointing to the first silver frame he found.

He then went over to begin to draw a picture of the two of them. As a lancer, he was very dexterous and could quite easily draw. Then he went over to find Laura.

"Oh, Laura!" he said.

"Oh, Aran…" she muttered.

"Here is your birthday present," he said, handing her the frame with the sketch in it.

"Oh, Aran!" she shouted, wrapping her arms around him.

This birthday present was definitely a success.

-------

TALK

"What made you decide to become a priestess?"

"It was a thought that I wanted to help others around me," Laura answered, "I'm sorry if it's a hindrance to you."

"No, not at all," Aran said, "I think you should follow your heart."

"Well, you're a lot more sensitive than some of the guys I've met. That guy Rhys introduced me to, Gatrie, he was in utter shock when he found out," Laura answered. "He asked how I could possibly live this way."

"Well, to be honest," Aran began, "It is pretty difficult."

"Yes," Laura said, "But we all need to make sacrifices, don't we?"

"I suppose," Aran mentioned, "But aren't there easier ways than this?"

"Not really…" Laura said, "Not for me… if you aren't satisfied with that, then marry someone. I could even oversee your wedding."

"Nah," Aran said, "I could never love a woman more than I love you…"

"Well, that's quite a bold statement."

"I'm quite a bold man."

"Yes," Laura said, smiling, "You sure are."

----------

HARDSHIP

Laura looked all sweaty one day and she was breathing heavily. Aran was sitting aloft, asking her, "Tough day?"

"What do you think? Rhys needed a substitute due to illness, and I was of course his first choice. Not to mention I still had to take care of the orphans. So I took the orphans to the school and I taught them along with the students. Then a few of the regular students started making fun of the orphans, and when I told them to stop, they said I wasn't Father Rhys so I didn't have any power," Laura said, "Those children need to be led in the right direction."

"Well, what is the right direction? Didn't you spend your whole life worshipping a goddess who tried to kill us all?" Aran asked.

"It was hardly her fault," Laura argued, "It was the corrupt prime minister that led to her madness…"

"If you say so, Laura…" Aran muttered. But what _I _think is that maybe we should rethink our directions in life."

"If and only if worse comes to worse. Even when the goddess went crazy, we were able to stop her."

"Yeah," Aran said, "I suppose if the goddess was truly prepared to kill us all, she would have immunized herself from any possible outside threats."

"Then again," Laura said, "She could have immunized herself from possible threats but Ike was so amazing he was able to seduce her out of it."

"That would be interesting…" Aran contemplated, "Ike won the heart of a vengeful goddess."

--------

ARGUMENT

"Laura, I think you should stop being a priestess," Aran suggested one day, "It's tiring for you, you and I can't get married or make love, and the most important thing is, I'm not religious."

"So," Laura said, "You say I should convert to secularity because _you _don't want anything to do with my religion anymore? And if getting married and making love is something you just can't live without, there are plenty of other single women. Like Fiona for example."

"But Laura, I don't want just any woman. I want you," Aran said, "Besides, I like brunettes."

"In that case, I have a nice sister…" Laura mentioned.

"A sister?" Aran asked, "Are you really planning to break up with me?"

"If you insist on being as controlling of our relationship as to force me out of priesthood, then yes," Laura said.

Aran perspired as he quickly attempted to think of a save, "Uh… Laura, I mean… uh, I was just testing you! Yeah, that's right… testing you. Heh-heh. You passed, my strong-willed woman."

Laura sighed, unconvinced.

"Let's just forget this ever happened," Aran offered.

"Agreed," Laura said.

----------

RELAXATION

Though their relationship was not as deep as some others, the two did spend the majority of their time together. And even though the two of them didn't have as many exciting times as some of their neighbors, they still worked out as one of the cutest couples in Daein.


	17. Haar and Jill

Haar and Jill

GIFT

The heirloom.

Haar was entrusted to give the heirloom to Jill when she came of age. She came of age awhile ago, Haar noticed. She was one of the first girls in the Daein academy to have her last growth spurt, her first period (and with that her first PMS), her breasts, and her emotional maturity and independence. Though she was still a girl by years' standards, she had been a woman since she was 12.

But he kept forgetting, or falling asleep, or forgetting because he fell asleep. So this day, he promised himself he would give the heirloom to Jill. He grabbed the box, and checked the contents to make sure the heirloom hadn't been stolen. He then began to look for Jill. But it seemed that every time he got near where she had been, she would change her location.

It was almost midnight, and Haar had not had time to nap anywhere along the way. Weary, he fell asleep on his wyvern while it was in midair, and he dropped the box. Conveniently, Jill found it, as it landed right in her right hand. She opened the box, and read a note that was tucked inside. The note read:

_Dear Jill_

_If you are reading this right now, it means that I have died; hopefully gloriously in battle. You are the best daughter I could ever ask for. Now I will mention what I have never told you before. I lied to you. I did it to protect you from the same reputation I myself have received. Laguz are people too._

_If you are holding this box, this means that Commander Haar has not fallen back on his duties, and has provided you with the family heirloom. It's been in the Fizzart family for generations. Please take care and enjoy it._

_Love, your father_

_SHIHARAM FIZZART_

A single tear rolled down Jill's cheek. "Thank you, Haar," she said shouting at the wyvern up above.

Haar awoke with a start and said, "Huh? Oh, you're welcome, Jill!"

---------

TALK

Jill and Haar sat on adjacent wyverns flying through the sky.

"Haar," Jill began, "What did you think of my father?"

"Your father was a great man, Jill."

"I know he was, Haar, I know he was."

"But he lied to you…" Haar pointed out.

"Indeed he did, but I think I understand why he did that now…"

"Because he wanted to protect you, right?"

"Yes, but… I don't need to be protected," Jill said confidently, "I can defend myself from harm with no problem."

"Well now you can," Haar mentioned, "But still… I wouldn't want to lose you in a battle."

"Then you can protect me anyway," Jill responded, "After all, wasn't the tactician this proud?"

"No," Haar responded, "_He _was probably compensating for something."

"But still, he acted in kind, and still let the commander protect him."

"Well he _was _an anemic mage…" Haar said, "You, on the other hand, are not."

"Even so," Jill began, "My point is, there is a sort of unwritten rule that partners are exceptions."

"I can live with that," Haar said, before drifting off to sleep. Jill giggled at her husband's narcoleptic behavior.

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HARDSHIP

Flying on wyverns was a fine art, and no matter how many people tried to, only a select few were ever allowed on. Jill remembered several years ago, when she was about eleven; just a few years before the Mad King's War (called the "Crimean Defeat" by Daein residents of high status), she would attempt to climb the wyvern, and end up with her scarlet hair stuck between his sharp teeth. She would always cry out, hoping that people would hear her screaming. But no one ever did, except for Haar. Haar always knew the secret to the wyverns' behavior… gingersnaps.

The wyverns would always happily munch the spicy cookies with no hesitation, and give a ride to whom they received them from. Jill didn't catch on to this immediately. In fact, she tried several times with a _macaroon,_ which the wyverns did not respond favorably to; usually they burned it to a crisp and then roared at Jill. Jill would always cry and Haar would come to the rescue. A few months later, she noticed that the cookies Haar gave were always tawny, and hers were always yellow.

Now that it was the aftermath of the subsequent war, Jill always remembered the gingersnaps, but sometimes Haar would be too half-asleep to notice he was about to give the wyvern a macaroon. But Jill would always stop him. And the two of them never had to worry about giving the wyverns the wrong cookies with each other around.

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ARGUMENT

"Haar, I need to talk to you," Jill said, "It's about our sex life."

"Oh?" Haar asked, "What about it?"

"You always fall asleep," Jill said, "It shouldn't hurt my feelings, given your history, but it does."

"Well, I can attempt to not fall asleep," Haar said, "But it probably won't work."

"Please, Haar, don't fall asleep."

"I can't help it," Haar said, "I've always fallen asleep anywhere I find comforting. On the back of a wyvern, in class, by the lake, and in bed with you… to be fair, this is a _bed _we're talking about."

"I know you're right, Haar, but still…"Jill said, "It makes me feel like I'm boring."

"No, Jill, no matter what anyone says, you'll always be the most exciting girl I've ever met."

"Oh, Haar…" Jill said happily.

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RELAXATION

Relaxation for Haar meant being able to fall asleep wherever he pleased. Relaxation for Jill meant knowing that her anger could be simmered down in her place. Neither one of them would have asked for anything more in their relationship. This couple was quite clearly an example of the truth that love tames. It is true that love tames the wild beasts. Jill was a wild beast, and Haar brought her down to a less-adrenaline based life. And she cannot complain.


	18. Aftermath

Aftermath

It has been shown that love comes in many forms. Some people fall in love at first sight, like Soren did with Ike. Other people go through an antagonistic phase, only to fall back into a loving one like Mist did with Boyd.

Some people adhere to the traditional gender roles, like Calill and Largo. Then again, others like Titania and Rhys scoff in the face of such things.

Capitalist couples with a slight rebellion for no reason other than because they can, like Naesala and Leanne, can work as well as socialist sweethearts with a great rebellion for the purpose of demonstration, like Tibarn and Reyson.

For every yin-and-yang complementary pair like the excitable Jill and the calm Haar, there is another pair who just has so much in common, like the equally beautiful and sneaky Heather and Ilyana.

While some people like Oscar and Tanith are serious but humble; there are other people who are fun but proud, like Kieran and Marcia.

While some people, like Micaiah and Sothe, can rise from rags to royalty, some born noble, like Lady Astrid of House Damiell, can give up their status for true love, like hers with Makalov.

While some people, like Lyre and Ranulf, have a relationship based primarily on body interaction, people like Aran and Laura can show that it works without such luxuries as well.

And while some people, as Lucia does to Bastian, regard their relationship mainly as a product of social conventions, others, as Geoffrey does to Elincia, couldn't care less about the status of themselves or their partners, as long as there is true love involved.

Love can be heterosexual or homosexual; male dominant or female dominant; destined from the get-go or worked for; complementary or matched; nobles or peasants; and interracial or homogenous; and no matter what happens, all happy couples are not the same.

Author's Note: I do realize my interracial never went farther than different birds together or beorc/Branded, but note that the fact Branded characters are included proves my point nonetheless.

Also, I'm sorry these last 4 chapters took so long. I just got bored of writing this for a couple of weeks.


End file.
